Neil Armstrong Finally Realizes He Never Actually Went To The Moon
After many years of deep denial, Neil Armstrong has finally come to grips with the fact that all those G-Forces, violent shakings and then micro followed by mini gravitational forces he experienced in his various trips off planet were all an epically contrived, many thousands of participants, ruse to flummox the Russians.
We are all very happy he has finally seen the light. Thanks to Ralph Coleman, the great detective and Moon landing denier, Neil has finally admitted the truth to himself and to the world. Is he kind of upset over the whole unfortunate adult diaper thing? Is he miffed at the horrendous spacesuit chafing? I can just imagine. The Onion has broken the story and is all over it. A bit of their intrepid reporting follows. Thanks to Gizmodo for spreading the word.
Although Armstrong said he “could have sworn” he felt the effects of zero gravity while soaring out of the Earth’s atmosphere and through space, he now believed his memory must be flawed. He also admitted feeling “ashamed” that he had failed to notice the rippling of the American flag he and Buzz Aldrin planted on the surface, blaming his lack of awareness on the bulkiness of the spacesuit and his excitement about traveling to the “moon.”